Choking is a hugely popular kink that some people find extremely sexy. However, it can be incredibly dangerous for the person being choked if they are not aware of proper safety procedures.
Before engaging in this kink, both partners should discuss boundaries and what they want to gain from it. It is also important to develop a safe word or gesture in case the choking becomes too uncomfortable or dangerous.
Know Your Limits
Choking is a dangerous kink, so you must be able to recognize when your partner is at their limit. Trying to choke someone when they aren’t ready can be terrifying, and it could even trigger past trauma that you weren’t aware of. It can also cause oxygen deprivation, which can lead to serious medical issues and is incredibly dangerous.
This is why you should always discuss your intentions with your partner and agree on limits before choking them. Then, you’ll be able to keep them safe and ensure that their consent is strong enough to keep them sexy.
It’s also crucial to be able to communicate when your partner isn’t having fun anymore. That’s why it’s important to come up with a physical safe word or gesture that you can use when choking bdsm. That way, they can tap you on the shoulder or snap your fingers to signal that they want you to stop.
It’s also a good idea to plan nonverbal safewords as well, since verbal cues might not work in a situation when you can’t speak. You can try raising your hands, tapping them with your fingers, shaking your head, dropping a metallic object, or clicking your fingers to create an effective cue that’ll tell your partner to stop. This is especially important if you are mixing choking with rough sex, because a lot of women find this turn-on to be super hot.
Have a Non-Verbal Cue
When it comes to choking, the fear factor is high. The word itself evokes images of choking on a piece of food and nearly dying, which is why it’s not typically a “go to” kink for most people. For those who are into it, choking provides the thrill of danger and amplifies dominant and submissive roles in the bedroom.
It’s important to note that choking doesn’t always have to be aggressive or rough. In fact, for some, a light pressure that feels intimate can feel erogenous. When you play with a girl and grab her neck, for instance, it may give her that head rush while also providing an element of control that she craves.
This is why it’s essential that any form of choking in BDSM be negotiated with your partner ahead of time, and that you have safewords in place. These should be simple, single-syllable words that can be called easily when the bottom is unable to communicate verbally. It’s also important to discuss any health issues and determine if it’s appropriate to choke your partner while they are under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
One of the best things about choking is how it can be combined with other kinky play, such as kissing and oral. This can intensify the sensations and make it even more intense.
Don’t Surprise Your Partner
If you’re doing choking bdsm or breath play with someone, it’s important to make sure they fully understand the health risks. This is not a kink that you want to surprise your partner with, because it can be incredibly traumatizing.
It’s also a good idea to plan out an agreed-upon safe word or safety gesture, just in case your partner can’t verbally communicate that they want the play to stop. For example, a common safe word is to shake your head quickly to indicate you’re stopping. Or, if your partner’s not fond of shaking their heads, you might plan on repeatedly tapping them to signal that the choking needs to stop.
As with all kink, it’s best to start slow and work up to this one. Try it on yourself or your partner first to get a feel for how much pressure you should put on the neck and how long to choke for. And if you’re doing it on your partner, ask how it feels, and listen for any cues that they’re having fun or want to stop. It’s better to stop before it gets too intense than to go too far and accidentally hurt them or trigger past trauma. Nonconsensual choking is abuse, and you never want that in your sexual relationship.
Take Aftercare Seriously
As with all BDSM kink, sexual choking should be taken seriously and with a lot of thought. It’s not something that everyone will feel comfortable with, whether as a dom or sub, and it’s important to talk about this beforehand. If your partner feels uncomfortable with this, it’s important to respect their feelings and find another sexual experience that’s more suited to them.
Taking safety seriously for this type of play also means having a safe word in place, which is an agreed-upon non-sexual phrase that can be used to indicate when one wants the play to stop. As choking is often a non-verbal experience, this can be even more difficult to do and it’s a good idea to practice a safe word with your partner before you start engaging in this kind of play. It could be as simple as tapping your partner repeatedly (as if you were wrestling) or a specific body language like shaking their head “no.”
For many choking enthusiasts, it’s the intense feeling of control and power that is the most arousing aspect of this kink. However, it’s not for everyone and if you’re not into it for any reason, there are plenty of other options that are just as exciting and arousing such as fake breath play or bondage. Adding other BDSM equipment like a clit clamp or spanking paddle into the mix can also heighten sensations and add a new level of excitement to your sexual play.
